[enough]

If you are at all like me, then there have been at least a few times throughout your life that you have felt ‘less than’. Where you look at the circumstances around you, at the task in front of you, or at the dream for the future, and you feel as though inadequacy is the only thing you are bringing to the table.

I have spent and continue to spend a lot of time feeling completely at a loss. Like I take a step, but will never  be able to completely finish the journey. That I will never learn enough to speak intelligently about a subject, never be confident enough to speak out when my conscience demands it, never be able to formulate the words clearly enough to convey what I truly mean… Never be enough.

I have been told by many that I’m a leader, and yet, I don’t feel qualified. I have been told by many that I am good with words, yet I never seem to be able to concisely tell the story. I have been told that I am sensitive and empathetic to others, yet there are times when I can’t seem to quite understand enough to really be the encouragement that I want to be.

enough.

Man, that word is a mountain that I can’t seem to climb, can’t seem to walk around, can’t seem to see past. It can block my vision so that all I see are the mistakes, the failures, the insecurities. It makes me feel small. But where do I get this ideal from? What is it that I think will fill in the gap that I can’t seem to fill on my own?

I have been challenged recently to remember that ‘enough’ was never supposed to be the goal. Especially if I’m looking to be ‘enough’ to or for other people.

I worry that I’m not doing enough, and because of that, I don’t deserve the gift. I worry that I am not enough. But when I accepted Jesus, I didn’t just receive a thing, I received a person… God is called El Shaddai, the Hebrew word meaning ‘God Almighty, the God who is more than enough.’… When you received Jesus that first time at salvation, you actually received the gift of enough.” Emily P. Freeman, Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try-Hard Life, p. 36

I am not enough, on my own. But I was never expected to be enough. And when I place that expectation on myself, I cheat myself out of the grace that has been given to me. I can’t expect perfection from myself, because I am not perfect. I mess up. But that’s one of the reasons why Jesus’s gift of salvation is so valuable. Because where I fall short, he picks up the slack. To fill in the gap I can’t fill, to speak the words I can’t seem to say, to be ‘enough’. I can’t be the one to fix your problem, I can’t be the one to change your life. And I was never supposed to do those things, the Savior is.

So, I’m learning another definition of grace right now. Allowing for God’s grace to fill what I in my own human-ness can’t ever fulfill. Allowing Him to be the Savior and Lord that I profess, and remember that it’s His role to be ‘enough’. To be more than enough. It’s my role to receive Him and grow. Just to be clear, I’m not letting myself off the hook from doing the hard things, fighting for what’s right, and following the path that God has for me. But I am learning, slowly, that ‘enough’ should not be the end goal. Trust in His ability to be enough. Sit in that truth. Let that be the place that you start from.

Challenge/Prayer: Where do you need to allow grace in your life? Where do you need to surrender? I’m praying for and with you, friend. Let’s take this step together.